Still feel like a kid around family? Boundaries with in-laws and parents in Denver
You love your family, and you still dread the next visit a little. One remark, and you're defensive, quiet, or sharp before you've decided anything.
Does this sound familiar?
Whether you're newly married, raising kids, or years into adulthood, you might notice:
You love your family, and you still dread the holidays a little.
One comment about your job, your home, or your parenting, and you're instantly defensive.
You go quiet at the table, then vent the whole drive home.
You say yes to visits you don't want, then resent it for weeks.
Your partner and your parents both want something from you, and you feel stuck in the middle.
You've tried saying what you need, and it came out sharper than you meant.
You leave thinking, "Why do I still let this get to me?"
What this is
Dealing with difficult parents in adulthood is hard partly because old roles kick in fast. Around family, you may slip back into the part you played growing up: the peacekeeper, the one who argues, or the one who stays quiet.
Therapists sometimes call this falling back into a family role. It once made sense. It helped you get along in the family you grew up in.
Boundaries with in-laws and parents start with knowing what you need, then saying it calmly. That's hard to do when an old role takes over first.
It's often the same pattern you notice with a partner or even your kids. It's the same pattern, no matter who it's with.
How I work with this
What I see in my work is that people already know what they wish they'd said. What's missing is the steadiness to say it while the old role is pulling at them.
We work on your side of the pattern. Your parents or in-laws don't need to come in, or change first.
I've completed one year of training in Relational Psychodynamic Therapy. In plain terms, we look at how earlier relationships shaped the way you react now.
I pace the work to where you are. First we focus on understanding your reactions and settling yourself. When you're ready, we practice saying what you need.
What sessions look like
In the first session, you tell me about your family and what keeps happening. We talk about a recent visit or call, and you can ask me anything about how this works.
After that, we often start with a moment that went badly. We slow it down, name the feeling or need underneath, check whether that's the real one, and plan how to say it next time.
We also plan ahead for visits and holidays you see coming. There's no set number of sessions, and we decide the pace together.
You don't have to wait until the next gathering to reach out
Is this a good fit?
This is likely a good fit if you want to respond differently, even if your family stays the same. You don't need to be good at naming feelings yet.
It's probably not the right fit if you're hoping I'll confirm your family is wrong, or help change them. This work is about your side.
I see individuals only. If you want joint sessions with a parent or partner, I'm glad to suggest other options.
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Can a therapist help me set boundaries with my in-laws?
Yes. Boundaries with in-laws are often hard because old family roles kick in fast. I help you notice what happens in you during those moments, name what you need, and plan how to say it calmly, without anyone else in the room.
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Is it normal to still clash with my parents as an adult?
Yes. Dealing with difficult parents in adulthood is common, because childhood patterns tend to return the moment you walk in the door. In therapy, we work out where your reaction comes from and build a steadier way to respond, even if your parent stays the same.
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Do my parents or in-laws need to come to sessions?
No. I see individuals only, and we work on your side of the pattern. That's the part you have the most say over.
Related Pages
Partner conflict: when the same fight keeps coming back.
Starting and keeping relationships: when you pull back as someone gets close.
Parenting conflict: when you react to your kids in a way you'd rather not.
About me: my background and how I work.
Fees and insurance: cost, insurance, and the free consult.
Start with a free call
You don't need to know exactly what to say, or have your partner on board. A free 20-minute call is a chance to ask questions and see if this feels right, with no pressure either way.