Fear of intimacy therapist in Denver, for when you pull back as things get close
Things go well until someone starts to matter, and then you pull back, pick at small things, or go cold. We look at what closeness brings up for you and work on your side of the pattern.
Does this sound familiar?
Whether you're single, dating, or years into a relationship, you might notice:
Things feel exciting at first, then you start finding reasons to leave.
When someone gets close, you feel a pull to create distance.
You worry about being too much, or not enough.
A slow text reply feels like a sign it's over.
In a long relationship, you keep part of yourself back without meaning to.
You pick at small flaws right when things are going well.
You want closeness, and it also makes you uneasy.
What this is
Wanting closeness and pulling away from it at the same time is more common than it feels. Some people call this fear of intimacy.
Others feel it as relationship anxiety: worry, second-guessing, and watching for signs that things are about to go wrong. Early on, it can show up as dating anxiety.
Either way, it likely once made sense. If closeness once came with hurt or disappointment, keeping some distance protected you.
It's often the same pattern that shows up as a fight with a partner or tension with family. It's the same pattern, no matter who it's with.
How I work with this
What I see in my work is that people who pull back usually want closeness. Part of them is still bracing for what closeness used to cost.
We work on your side of the pattern. You don't need to be in a relationship to start, and no one else needs to come in.
I've trained in Relational Psychodynamic Therapy. In plain terms, we look at how earlier relationships shaped the way you react now.
I pace the work to where you are. First we focus on understanding the pull to step back and settling yourself. When you're ready, we practice staying a little longer and saying what you need.
What sessions look like
In the first session, you tell me about your relationships and what keeps happening. You can ask me anything about how this works.
After that, we often start with a recent moment when you pulled back. We slow it down, name the feeling or need underneath, check whether that's the real one, and plan what you'd like to try instead.
There's no set number of sessions, and we decide the pace together.
You don't have to be in a relationship, or out of one, to reach out.
Is this a good fit?
This is likely a good fit if you want to understand why closeness feels hard, and you can look at your own part. You don't need to be good at naming feelings yet.
It's probably not the right fit if you're mainly looking for dating tips, or for someone to tell you whether to stay or leave.
I see individuals only. If you want joint sessions with a partner, I'm glad to suggest other options.
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Can therapy help with fear of intimacy?
Yes, therapy can help you understand why closeness feels hard and practice staying in it a little longer. As a fear of intimacy therapist, I look at what closeness brings up for you and where that reaction first made sense. We go at a pace that feels manageable.
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Why do I pull away when a relationship starts getting serious?
Many people pull away as a relationship gets serious because closeness once came with hurt, disappointment, or losing themselves. Stepping back protected you then. Understanding what closeness brings up for you now makes it possible to try something different.
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What do therapists for relationship anxiety do?
Therapists for relationship anxiety help you understand the worry and the urge to pull back, then practice responding differently. In my sessions, we slow down a moment when the anxiety showed up, name the need underneath it, and plan how to say it. Sessions are online for adults in Colorado and Washington.
Related Pages
Partner conflict: when the same fight keeps coming back.
Parents and in-laws: when old family roles kick in fast.
Parenting conflict: when you react to your kids in a way you'd rather not.
About me: my background and how I work.
Fees and insurance: cost, insurance, and the free consult.
Start with a free call
You don't need to have your relationship history figured out. A free 20-minute call is a chance to ask questions and see if this feels right, with no pressure either way.