Online therapy for relationship issues in Denver, for the same fight that keeps coming back
You keep having the same fight with your partner, and you can see your part in it. We work on your side of the pattern, and your partner doesn't need to come in.
Does this sound familiar?
You might be newly together or years in. Either way, you might notice:
The fight starts over something small and ends in the same place every time.
You hear yourself getting sharp, and you can't seem to stop mid-sentence.
You go quiet and stop answering, even though you know it makes things worse.
Afterward, you replay what you said and wish you'd said it differently.
You apologize, things are good for a while, and then it happens again.
You know what you need, but in the moment it comes out as blame.
You love your partner, and you're tired of the same fight.
What this is
Having the same fight over and over usually isn't about the topic. It's about what happens in each of you when things get tense.
Some people get louder. Some defend every point. Others shut down. That last one has a name: stonewalling in relationships, which means going silent or pulling away during conflict, often to stop feeling overwhelmed.
Whichever way you react, it likely once made sense. It may have kept you safe or kept the peace somewhere along the way.
It's often the same pattern you notice with a parent or even your kids. It's the same pattern, no matter who it's with.
How I work with this
What I see in my work is that most people already know their reaction isn't working. What's missing is understanding why it happens, and some steadiness when it does.
We work on your side of the pattern. It's the part you have the most say over, and your partner doesn't need to come in or agree to anything.
I've trained in Relational Psychodynamic Therapy. In plain terms, we look at how earlier relationships shaped the way you react now.
I pace the work to where you are. While you're still reacting fast, we focus on understanding it and settling yourself. When you're ready, we practice saying what you need.
What sessions look like
In the first session, you tell me what's been happening and what you'd like to be different. We talk about a recent fight, and you can ask me anything about how this works.
After that, we usually start with a moment that went badly that week. We slow it down, name the feeling or need underneath, check whether that's the real one and whether your partner heard it, then plan how to say it.
Over time, you start to notice the pattern sooner. There's no set number of sessions, and we decide the pace together.
You don't have to wait for the next fight to reach out
Is this a good fit?
This is likely a good fit if you can see your part in the fight, even when it's hard to look at. You don't need to be good at naming feelings yet. Wanting to learn is enough.
It's probably not the right fit if you're hoping I'll decide who's right, or help change your partner. This work is about your side.
I see individuals only. If you want joint sessions with your partner, I'm glad to suggest other options.
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Can therapy help if we keep having the same fight over and over?
Yes, therapy can help you understand why the same fight keeps happening and what you do in it. Having the same fight over and over usually means a pattern is running, not that you don't care. In therapy, we slow the fight down and plan a different way to say what you need.
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Can I get individual therapy for relationship issues without my partner?
Yes. Individual therapy for relationship issues focuses on your side of the pattern: how you react when things get tense, and what you'd rather do instead. I see individuals only, so your partner doesn't need to come in.
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What happens in online therapy for relationship issues?
Online therapy for relationship issues is talk therapy by video. In my sessions, we take a recent moment that went badly, slow it down, name the feeling or need underneath it, and plan how to say it. Sessions are 50 to 55 minutes, for adults located in Colorado or Washington.
Related Pages
Parents and in-laws: when old family roles kick in fast.
Starting and keeping relationships: when you pull back as someone gets close.
Parenting conflict: when you react to your kids in a way you'd rather not.
About me: my background and how I work.
Fees and insurance: cost, insurance, and the free consult.
Start with a free call
You don't need to know exactly what to say, or have your partner on board. A free 20-minute call is a chance to ask questions and see if this feels right, with no pressure either way.